Y

Y-chromosome

For many years, stand-up comedians offered explanations for why men and women are different. Their preliminary investigations led to the discovery of the Y-chromosome, which only males possess and, along with dinner and a movie, has been found to determine sex in humans.

The Y-chromosome has 58 million base pairs, 86 genes and an electric sun-roof. Its most important gene is SRY, which stands for Sex-determining Region Y. SRY is responsible for triggering the development of testicles and has been used in sex determination testing at the Olympics. However, that event was abandoned at the Sydeny 2000 games after competitors and scientists complained the test was unreliable.

The Swedish sex determination team goes for gold in front of a home crowd at the 1912 Stockholm games.

The Swedish sex determination team goes for gold in front of a home crowd at the 1912 Stockholm games.

The Y-chromosome can do more than pull testicles out of a hat, it also has genes to control other testicle-related activities.

The Y-chromosome: Probable cause of male infertility.

The Y-chromosome: Probable cause of male infertility.

Yoga

Yoga is an ancient fad that originated in India five thousand years ago. Modern humans are only familiar with the physical exercises of yoga but, like some crazy Hindu god, yoga has many arms. Specifically, it has spiritual and mental arms, as well as a highly profitable commercial arm. Indeed, yoga is not just a set of physical exercises, it is a path to enlightenment a human can follow and spend on throughout its entire life.

The starting point of yoga is the health of the body, which is achieved via physical exercises, postures and a monthly direct-debit payment plan. Yoga postures are commonly referred to by their original sanskrit names and are also known by their English translations. Some examples are,

Yoga practitioners, known as yogis, start with simple postures, such as bow, crow and plow (rhymes with crow and bow). They then advance to difficult poses like the spinning malfeasance and the much-feared groin knot, which is described here step by step.

  1. Breathe in deeply through the nose.

  2. While breathing out through your eyeballs, place your forehead onto the base of your spine and sing the first three verses of the French national anthem. At the point of blacking out, turn to a friend and berate them for their poor life choices.

  3. Seek urgent medical assistance.

This posture is challenging, but any good instructor will be able to provide variations to suit any level of yogi. In the above example, the French national anthem can be substituted with any national anthem or French song. This makes yoga accessible to all, from beginners to swamis to divine beings.

Beginner, advanced and godlike level yoga poses.

Beginner, advanced and godlike level yoga poses.

The physical postures of yoga are where most (read lazy) humans begin and end as far as yoga is concerned. If it doesn't involve an over-priced leotard then most humans just aren't interested. Beyond this physical component, yoga has many more arms that form a clear and logical path to enlightenment for any human willing to wrestle them.

Once physical perfection is achieved1, a yogi begins the practise of yogic breath control. In yoga, the breath is a direct connection between the material body and the infinite divine cosmos. Thus, the yogi can experience blissful oneness by,

Along with physical postures and breath control, yoga includes the practises of concentration, sense control and abstention. The end result is an enlightened human that experiences the world free from material attachment. This is due, in no small part, to all the money that has been spent on yoga classes and related paraphernalia.


  1. Normally within eight weeks.